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Maniacal Phantasmagoria

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1/27/09 05:53 pm - On Google's Value Reflection

So, I find something interesting. This entry comes with pretty much the same the disclaimer that should accompany all entries, that it may seem arrogant and disdainful, and I will try to claim that I don't hold myself ABOVE the rest of the populace, I admit my being a part of it, however I just like to write about things I notice.

I was flipping through google, looking for images to inspire me for some artwork I'm currently thinking about, and I found something interesting. If one needs an idea on prominent values of current society (or at least western-ish mostly), all one needs to do is type a single word related to a given topic into google image search. Image because it gives simple at-a-glance ideas (and you can see how frequent certain attitudes are), and safe search off, because one gets more of a broad result; it's also fun to see how much shit is related to porn apparently.
For example, I was searching for random imagery to spark ideas on the seven deadly sins (one of you knows why), and a couple interesting results. The best was "wrath." Rather than getting any useful or creative artwork, I received 90% screenshots and artwork from the new WoW expansion, "Wrath of the Lich King." Of course I realize this is only because of its recent release, but it's interesting to see what fads are currently affecting the world. The other interesting result was for "pride." I'd say about 95% of hits were related to gay pride. Don't take this as disapproval...I'm all for gay rights, and gay pride is one way of fighting the fire of discrimination and intolerance with the fire of extreme presence and unification. Which is fine. I just found it interesting how that seemed the main idea behind the simple word "pride."

Anyway, I invite you all to give a whirl sometime soon, and feel free to post comments about neat results you find.

1/25/09 03:33 am - Good God...

So I've sat here for the past 10 minutes, and a couple times earlier in the day and yesterday, doing the same thing. Staring at my LiveJournal, trying to think of an idea for a new entry. Something...interesting to read/discuss, but not whiny. I can't think of a thing. I started to write about random shit twice...and that just never made it to posting. So here, I open it up to my 2-3 readers. Please, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, leave a comment with a suggestion on something for me to blabber about. Something that requires me to think a little bit. Don't keep me waiting too long friend(s)...

By the way, does anyone else see a big giant gap between the latest topic line and its actual post paragraph, or is that just me?

9/29/08 12:06 am - MYSTERY TEAM TRAILER OUT!!!

Hey all,
for all those who love DERRICK Comedy, the trailer for the full movie they've been working on, Mystery Team, is finally out. Be sure to check it out, these guys are some of the funniest/best I've seen.


While you're there, check out the site link and see their videos if you haven't already.

3/19/08 08:46 pm - ...Serene.

I've been...thinking. Not in the way I most often do, in the pessimistic, blind self/others-hating mode of assumptions and accusations. It's been a more calm, realistic thought. What makes this different and how I know it's different, I can't explain. It just...is. I've just read through some old old MSN logs...some important ones, some casual ones. All gave me an important window into my past life, and how I'm repeating the same mistakes. How I haven't improved upon that which I always hated in myself, and how everyone's "incorrect assumptions/judgments" about me have actually been...accurate, to an extent. At the very least, I can now see where they come from. For that purpose, I'd like to say what I believe I said many posts ago (it seems I do this on a regular basis), though this time...it just means more. It'll probably read the same, but...I dunno I guess I mean it more, and hopefully I'll make it MEAN something and not have it in vain, as I now have a fortune cookie fortune posted on my lightswitch that informs me of the simple truth I've always lived by: that actions speak louder than words. That being said, let me give you these quiet words. I'm sorry. Yet again, I'm apologizing, and by now, it's certainly lost it's merit to most, if not all of you. I can only hope that you can trust that this time it means more than usual, and I can also only hope that I can prove it to you in the days/months/years to come. I am sorry, for the way I've treated you all. It's unfair for me to think I've really affected anyone extreme amounts, but I feel an apology is in order anyway. I beg all of you to ask me individually, should you care to hear what specific wrongs I've become aware of my doing to you, but if I must speak generally for now, I will. By and large, my "know-it-all" attitude has been apparent. I've always hated being called a know it all or an egotistical person, but the fact is, it seems to be true. Through the conversations I've read, I've realized I've done nothing but support this outlook on myself. I've realized many more of the mistakes I've made in past relationships, and that their endings or their drifting have been my fault. I've realized I've given the impression that I think I'm smarter than you all, which logically I know is not the case, yet my behavior shows otherwise, and actions speak louder than words. So how can you take my word at it, and how can all this talking and begging you to change your opinions of me really mean anything, when the way I treat you all hasn't changed? Well, I'm going to try changing it. Again. For real. In fact, should I ever lose myself to these flaws again, I ask that you all bluntly and rudely remind me. I promise I won't hold it against you. I'll take it to heart and try to remember. All that being said, I guess I just felt that even though these words mean nothing, I felt they should be declared anyway. Please, people. At least let me know you've read this. A small comment saying "Read." is all I'll need. There are those of you that I've wronged more than others, and should a personal apology actually mean anything to you, please let me know. I'm not going to pester you all with individual apologies at this random time, because chances are most of you will only be bothered by them. And I realize that asking for an apology sounds stupid, but you all deserve specific, one-on-one apologies (what you don't deserve is me forcing one on you, should you not want it). How I've acted the past 15 or so years is...inexcusable. I think that's all I have to say for now, I hope you all read this.

1/6/08 01:42 am - Curious...

So, I've been thinking the past two to three weeks, and I've decided to ask the opinions of my few readers left. It's no doubt been argued and answered before, but I think if you really experience it, it may be a harder answer to come up with than it seems. So, here it is. Which is worse? To be disliked/hated by someone, or simply to cease to exist to them? To never really be considered or thought of, unless right there yelling in their face, and even then, to have that/those person(s) be completely apathetic toward you, and not really care about what you're yelling? To not matter at all, I guess is what I'm saying. They say the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. I'll agree, since both love and hate are strong passions, but which is worse to have done to you? To be hated by someone you don't want to hate you, or even simply disliked, is a terrible feeling as well. It's more personal...it essentially blames you specifically, whereas apathy can sometimes be chalked up to the ego of the apathetic person. I'm sure if we all really think, we can come up with at least one situation where each has applied to us. I'd like to hear back from you guys, but when you answer, be sure to keep those specific situations in mind. I'd really like to hear back on this one from as many people as possible; see if you can't take a couple minutes out of your busy lives and drop me a line.

12/28/07 10:19 pm - Blllaahhhh

So I'm here, just trying to kill time while I wait for some phone calls. Really can't think of anything to write about; I just noticed I hadn't posted in quite a while. I do see I need to fix the banner up here. Been meaning to do that for about....a few months, now. Let's see here...something interesting...something encouraging feedback. Anyone have any crazy Christmas stories to tell? I have none. I've just been too sluggish and pissy to write anything lately...or even think at length. When I do think, it's all the same. Nothing to bother writing about. I need some inspiration! You guys should all leave comments to get me to think about something other than the actions of everyone around me. I think I may be serving some sort of poetic justice while I'm back here in Yorkton. All those people that used to give me a hard time about not calling them or making a huge effort to do anything with them...they're all not calling me back, haha...I guess I can't really blame anybody, even if they're actually pissed at me. I fucked up a good number of my old friendships with my half-assed approach to spending time with people. I'll always be there for my friends, old and new, but I guess I just don't like going out and doing much...or having people over and doing much, for that matter. If someone needs me, I'm there. But to just sit around...a lot of my friends don't have the same interests as I do...so it makes it difficult to do anything. Meh, I dunno. Otherwise it's just been questioning my choices for school and locking myself in as a student for the next 4+ years. I guess it's better than just rotting and working some job that I take no joy in. Part of me wonders though...what if, 2 or 3 years down the line, something happens that I would've loved to do? I wouldn't want to have all that tuition and time go to waste. Hmph. I don't know. I don't really know why I'm questioning all this on a blog anyway. I don't really know why I'm going to post this, but for some stupid reason, I still am. Someone fix all my problems and my stupid brain for me with the first comment on this post, ok?

10/27/07 11:45 pm - Brain activity...

So, it's been brought to my attention more than a few times in the past few weeks (and more often than usual over the past month or two) that I "think too much." First of all, let me clear one thing up. I'm well aware of the differences between thought activity and paranoia. I am also well aware that I'm far too paranoid these days...it seems to be a growing trait I have that's getting worse and worse. Yes, all that I'm aware of and please do not take this as an attempt to deny those true facts. No, this entry is more about constant thought...still in the realm of plausible.
A recent example. In one of my most recent entries, I presented the scenario of being friends with someone with a well-above-average IQ, and how we would react to them. I've since gotten at least 2 responses telling me that I think too much. With that entry directly? I fail to understand. It's a purely theoretical scenario. We all like the fantasize or imagine what things would be like in one situation or another (though admittedly it is only things we WISH we had.."What if I won $1 million," "What if I had super speed," "If you could be any animal," etc), so what's so odd about imagining other not-so-common scenarios, and really thinking about how we'd behave in them? I think it's fascinating. We learn a lot about each other in that sense; or at least a lot about how we WANT to be. In any theoretical scenario, are reactions that we admit to will almost always be ones that we WANT to have, not necessarily ones that we WOULD have. This is getting off topic but I'd like to give an example. I've talked with old friends over what we would do in a confrontational situation...maybe someone has broken into our house, maybe someone is threatening or about to assault someone we know. Very different scenarios, I know. Anyway, we tend to say that we'd just beat the shit out of this criminal with no mercy, at least until the cops arrive, if we indeed call the cops at all. People tend to overlook the sheer panic and fear that could be running through our veins in the very situation. We've even discussed what we'd do if the foe had a gun, or a group of people with him. People still tend to act like they'd just waltz up to them and knock them out flat within seconds, before they have time to react. Are we really so foolish as to believe it'd be this simple? Look I completely agree that if someone important to us was being assaulted or threatened, of course we should stick up for our friend/relative/whatever and do everything we can to help them. It's just that these people make it sound so easy, like they wouldn't hesitate for even a moment. I believe that some people I know wouldn't, but I also KNOW that some people I know would hesitate more than they currently believe. Anyway, back on topic.
That was just another example of a scenario that is interesting to think about and hear reactions about. I simply don't understand how I'm over-thinking things by just imagining them and realizing how unrealistic they are...

9/18/07 09:25 pm - SUPER ULTRA QUOTES BLOWOUT!!!!!!11one

Umm so yeah. I need quotes. This is for those of you that don't check Facebook often or aren't on Facebook...but for some reason still read this blog. I'm pretty sure that means no one...but just in case. Yeah. I need good quotes for my Facebook, my lighter, my jewelry, and eventually my back. Please be sure to leave comments or send emails with some good quotes...my hope is that they'll inspire me to make my own maybe. Anyway, yes. Quotes. Need them. That is all.

8/22/07 12:44 am - Wow

It's been a long time since my last post. I guess I haven't had much to say...or much that I've wanted people to think about. I don't really like doing my bitching on here (there's plenty of it to do though...poor me). I much more thoroughly enjoy posing questions. Thus, I've decided there may be many more short posts with just weird, random questions I think of that I feel like asking people about. Those sort of "what if.." or "if this happened would you..." sort of questions. Scenarios, if you will. So let's start with one already, shall we? This one's especially odd to think about...

If you had a close friend or even a significant other that had a proven-remarkable memory, like I'm talking abnormal, genius-style memory. Not necessarily photographic, but that could apply too. Something that's been studied and proven to be amazing and without-a-doubt accurate, how would you feel? Either to find that out or to always live with it? Think about it. First off there's the whole never forgetting bad things factor, and one could always be worrying this said memory-expert may be holding a grudge. But more importantly, you know all those tiny little disagreements as to something someone said or did, that may come up in the future? And this memory person would say something such as, "I thought you said..." and whether that's the truth and you wanna cover it up, or maybe you don't wanna believe what you said, or maybe you even don't remember it, and you remember something else happening or said entirely, you can usually just be like "no I'm pretty sure I said..." or "no, I remember clearly, I said..." This response could never be valid. It would have to be known between both parties that the rememberer's recollection couldn't really be questioned. You could never cover up past events and you would always feel like you're wrong in little disagreements like that. On the flip side, there are the obvious benefits such as them remembering where you left everything, and being able to perfectly quote all the best jokes and parts in books/movies/games/etc. I feel the frustration and tension would outweigh that, though.

On a similar note, what if you were close with someone that was proven to have genius-or-above intelligence? We're note just talking IQ, though that is mostly what it would be, but I mean up to date with current events, very wise and logical, problem-solving skills, etc. etc. And if they were so skilled that they were actually a part of the press, became famous, and so forth? Would you feel like everything they said was a contradiction to anything you said? Would you imagine disdain, and get the tension of thinking that everything they said was condescending and treating you like a child?

Thoughts, please.

4/21/07 09:41 pm - WANTED: Random Imagery.

Alright so here's the deal. It's time for a new header and/or background. I need to make a collage of really random imagery. I've been debating on making it all myself (similar to an older header I had, but I could only find about four good pics to use), or accepting submissions from my peers. So here's the deal: any cool pics you have, whether they be pics of people, places, things, pics you took yourself, pics you found, screenshots from a game or movie or something, send them to me. Email me as many as you like. The theme of this journal is "Maniacal Phantasmagoria" so I need all kinds of pics; pretty ones, ugly ones, scary ones, weird ones, disturbing ones, etc. I'll try and pic out my favorites and work them into a sort of..."phantasmagorical" collage...and you'll see them on here. Don't go out of your way to send me these or anything, just if you happen to have any cool pics or whatever...send them. My email is now SA_Raziel@hotmail.com so send them to that. Hope to hear from you all soon.

UPDATE: I've also decided that I need pics of eyes. I want a close-up pic of one eye of yours, similar to each eye in the current header. I think I may make a collage of all my friends' eyes. So get those to me ASAP as well...thanks!
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